Feeling Really Alive!
Feeling Really Alive!
Abigail Chakanyuka
When I got my diagnosis, I thought my world had ended. Little did I know that it was the beginning of my other side of life.
I had worked for the past two years on board cruise ships as a therapist when I fell very ill. I was medically disembarked. My HIV antibodies test came up ‘positive’. I nearly crumbled when I received the diagnosis. During those days PLWH were seen by their doctors monthly. My work contracts were six monthly, but I couldn’t be without HIV medical attention for over a month. So, that was the end of my career.
Fortunately, I had a supportive and caring family around me. My two sisters and one brother are all in the medical field. Above all, we were brought up very close as a family. I remember my friend who had the same diagnosis like mine, telling me that she lived with her sister who made her sleep on the floor with windows wide open during wintertime to improve air quality and maintain room air freshness. She went on to say she used her own plate, cup and cutlery to avoid transmission of HIV. Such things are done through ignorance.
My faith was my pillar, the first step in my healing process. I had to come to terms with my diagnosis. My bible became real words spoken to me directly. I listened to gospel music day in and day out. Worship and praise music spoke to me vividly and I felt the love of God flowing and embracing me. Thank God I have had access to HIV care and support. I had seen lots of friends and family dying through this illness back home somewhere in Africa. People became helpless and hopeless when struck by this disease. I was so grateful that I had fallen ill where medication and specialist care were in abundance. This helped me build my confidence and self-esteem back gradually. I then made up my mind to get up and go. Ever since that day, I have never looked back.
The first thing I did was to enrol for Level Five Diploma in HIV/AIDS. This was the best decision I made because it equipped me with all I needed to know in order to communicate with the medical team who cared for me. I enjoyed my training and I was fascinated by how HIV affected anyone regardless of colour, creed, rich, poor or nationality. It was sorrowful to see how HIV diagnosis shatters one’s dreams. I later realised that, coming to terms with HIV diagnosis makes you live harmoniously within yourself and this gives you focus and the zeal to carry on with your life. In other words, to remain positive about being positive helped me.
I then developed an urge to help others to find their footing. I became very passionate about supporting PLWH to realise their potential and to get the best out of themselves while they move on with their lives. I started volunteering with different HIV organisations including CAPS. I got involved in providing complementary therapies for others, and health promotion activities, distributing condoms and leaflets in various settings, and I volunteered for HIV clinics as a Health Trainer.
Over time, I narrowed my volunteering activity to CAPS work, because the aims and approach resonated with me. I can sum it up as really ‘Being there for people’. I became a sessional worker running peer support groups. A role which humbled me a lot. Members of the group share their fears and joys and sorrows and hopes. We learn from one another. This experience of vulnerable sharing and listening can be very powerful indeed for PLWH. I think it is probably important for every person who has been diagnosed. I then rose from a sessional worker to a Pastoral Support Worker. The first full-time paid employee of the Charity. I am very grateful for that. I cherish my job because it deals with people’s lives. I am allowed to spend time being there for people, helping in different ways, as best I can, and I feel really alive. As part of my development CAPS has provided the opportunity to study counselling skills. This is already helping me to ‘be there with and for others’ more effectively. I have just passed the BACP Level 2 and I am continuing on to the Level 3 in Counselling.
I am really grateful to all the people who have supported me through this sometimes tiring journey. I thank God for the faith which lifted me in the loneliest of times. Thanks to my CAPS’ colleagues for believing in me and the chance to grow. Thanks to my family, my friends and my encouraging partner. Without all of this, my journey might have been much more difficult. As it is, I feel really alive!